At times I can be a complete control freak. Not so much of other people, but of my environment and what goes on around me. I like things the way I like them, and do not do well with change, or when my "routine" is disrupted. I'm a planner at heart and strive to always know what's going on before it actually goes on. I like to have a plan at all times- I feel more prepared that way and I feel comfortable knowing what to expect. Sometimes, when life doesn't go as planned I panic. I feel anxious, nervous and I dislike, more than anything, is the feeling of unpreparedness- whether it being physically unprepared or mentally and emotionally. This goes for other people's lives as well. I am known to hold other people's problems and shortcomings on my shoulders, I allow myself to become too involved, care too much and help too much and it's not healthy. I too often allow other people's problems to become my own and I constantly feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm tired of feeling this way, I am sick and tired of worrying about other people's feelings and the potential of inconveniencing others over myself. I have to learn to let things go and let the chips fall where they may.
Life will not end if I don't have a plan and just go with the flow. I will still be alive and well if everything on my to- do list doesn't get checked off today. Tomorrow is a new day and all that was not accomplished today will be there tomorrow. I am struggling everyday with allowing others to make their own mistakes and picking up the pieces on their own, afterwards. I am trying to learn how to back off and let others take the reigns. To sit back and watch instead of stand up and delegate. I'm trying at least and that counts for something....right?
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